i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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