So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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