We named our party play list daddy issues
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
