woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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