So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
