Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
