i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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