Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
