I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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