i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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