I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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