I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
