I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
