Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
