At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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