So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
"it" just moved
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
