she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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