I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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