hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
