So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
