Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
