So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
