I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
