i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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