I think my vagina is haunted
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
