while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
