You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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