good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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