And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
