Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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