so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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