I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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