so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
