Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
