If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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