I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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