The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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