we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
look no pants
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
tell me about the eggs
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
