Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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