I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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