he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he puts the penis in happiness.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
