Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize