im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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