dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
