did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
