i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
honey bunches of taint.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
