whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
