I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Holy shit dude........stairs
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