New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
