It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
