all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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