So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
