Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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