she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
