This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
