It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
