thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize