She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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