Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
