You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
