I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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