so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
