I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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