There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
