And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I lost the right to judge tonight
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
