I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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