Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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