His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
