oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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