Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
