I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
