I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
