So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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