Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
