Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
