i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
