Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize